We all have that one or two annoying colleagues who just seem to trigger us all the time. Whether itโs the constant disturbance during meetings, or the lack of accountability of their share of work in a team project. These people seem to know the way to trigger you. Whatever their annoying habits, not all of them are self-aware. Logically, if they know that their actions are irritating, they would have stopped doing it.
So now youโre down with two options: be blunt and confront them or keep it to yourself. Itโs not easy to be the โbad guyโ and be direct in these situations, your actions might even get backfired on you instead. The best scenario is of course everything goes over well and your colleague accepts your feedback with an open mind. But, if youโre dealing with someone who isnโt self-aware, chances are he or she wonโt get what you’re trying to say.
Here are a few rules you should follow to ensure your feedback go through your not-so-self-aware colleague.
1. Be as clear as possible
Not everyone can handle the truth well, especially those who arenโt even aware of their problems. Knowing that the person lacks self-awareness, you have to be as honest as possible and explain clearly what his or her problems are.
Itโs not going to be easy. But, trying to be nice and beating around the bush will not only make the person even more confused, but also missing the whole point of the confrontation. Be very clear on the exact incident or action thatโ caused the issue and don’t try to sugarcoat your words. It’s important to make the person understand how much his or her behavior affected you.
Be emphatic and ask if they did that unintentionally or if itโs something that they can change. Donโt jump into conclusion and make false accusation about someoneโs behavior, itโll only make things worse.
2. Be patient and thoughtful
Donโt expect the conversation to go smoothly. It might be a pessimistic approach, but itโs important to be prepared for the worst. With this thought in mind, you tend to be more patience in case your not-so-self-aware colleague refuses to accept your feedback.
Include specific examples with sufficient context to strengthen your concern. Plus, itโs harder for the person to deny it when you tell them exactly how they bothered you in situations that actually happened. However, be thoughtful with your words and tone of voice when youโre bringing this up. The person might be genuinely unaware of how his or her behavior affected you.
3. Pick a right time and place
Donโt just go straight up to the person and start babbling away like a mad man. Plan your approach properly, such as when and where to have the conversation. Set the right tone so that the person wonโt let his or her guard up.
Keep it private and casual. You donโt have to create a scene in the office by announcing the personโs issues to the whole world. Itโs not only unprofessional, but also insulting to the person whoโs on the receiving end. Instead, ask him or her out for coffee to have a chat privately. There is no need to be hostile to a fellow colleague after all.
4. Be understanding
During the conversation, itโs crucial to be a good listener and try to understand the personโs point of view. Itโs easy to put all the blame on others and take every explanation from them as an excuse. Put yourself in his or her shoes and imagine yourself being the unaware one, do you think itโs fair to be blamed for something you wasnโt even aware of?
Hence, be understanding and give everyone a chance to be heard. Itโs only fair that way.
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Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash
